just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
