to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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