youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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