I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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