I CAN MOONWALK!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
