Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So squirting runs in the family.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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