It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
