It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
