just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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