you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
