dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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