how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
