Yo dont text me then not text me
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
