I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
