Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
this is an emotional support booty call
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
