Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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