Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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