Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
