I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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