just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize