I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
