Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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