There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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