It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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