i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
