Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
