Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
