oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
