If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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