I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
