Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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