So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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