Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
