I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
