he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
