think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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