I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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