if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize