Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
