Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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