Dual....:-)
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just blew my weed a kiss
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
