Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize