she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It was confusing and full of hummus
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
