I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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