sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
