Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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