mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
