So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
