Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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