Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you traded sex for a burrito?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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