So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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