I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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