I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
