I can text with my tongue
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
