I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
