Sponge bath it is.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
