I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
