youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I am naked and annoyed.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
