i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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