I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
