i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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