So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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