Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
