I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
