i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
so much tequila, so little girl.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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