she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
