I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
