I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize