Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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