Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
