i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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