I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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