Having a random hookup so left but love u
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize