i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
