A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
