You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
