You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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