is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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