If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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