It was confusing and full of hummus
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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