i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize