How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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