I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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