we have officially lost it.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
