Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I will die if light touches me.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
