woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
