did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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