We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
