Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Farmville is her only friend.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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