so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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