listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
