four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
