the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Of course I have a pirate flag
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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