if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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