Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
