three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
