Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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