I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
