So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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