I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
what day is it and did you see me today?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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