I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
