Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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