I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
