I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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